Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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