I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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