Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
