You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
