There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
