lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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