I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
