If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
