The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
