Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my poor anus
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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