yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
