you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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