'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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