There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
