My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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