Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
