wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
