I wish I could teleport
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
