No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
