Can i not drive my cunt home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
