Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
