Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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