we have officially lost it.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
