Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
MIDGETS
????
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
