I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
