Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
