Did you just see the Batmobile???
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
