The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
