my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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