Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
don't judge my taste in strippers
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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