it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
God, I missed his penis.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
