why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
