hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
