True but thats because hes a fetus.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
