i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
