You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
