Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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