At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
