The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
