His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
