Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
