He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
