Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
