His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
