im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
