did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
