Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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