i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
