My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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