he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
