just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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