I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
